Pets aren’t necessary to lead a happy life, but as roughly 87 million American households can attest, they certainly help. As of 2023, around 65 million U.S. households have a dog, 46.5 million have a cat, 11 million have freshwater fish, and 6 million own birds. Those numbers are a testament to just how much humans enjoy keeping animal companions, whether they’re furry and four-legged, scaly, or feathered.
In fact, humans have been cohabitating with domesticated animals for millennia. Research suggests that North American Paleo-Indians kept dogs as pets as far back as 11,000 years ago. In 2008, scientists claimed to have found the first dog after unearthing a 32,000-year-old canine skull in a Belgian cave.
While many of us choose to keep pets for the unconditional love and support they provide, they do far more than offer a hairy (or feathered) shoulder to cry on. As most pet owners can attest, our animal buddies are also endless wellsprings of comedic entertainment. Whether you have a dog, cat, bird, fish, reptile, horse, or other animal, these hilarious quotes about our domesticated friends will have you paws-itively rolling on the floor with laughter.
If aliens are watching this through telescopes, they’re gonna think the dogs are the leaders [of the planet]. If you see two life-forms, one of them’s making a poop, the other one’s carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge?
One reason why birds and horses are not unhappy is because they are not trying to impress other birds and horses.
There is, incidentally, no way of talking about cats that enables one to come off as a sane person.
Dogs look up to you, cats look down on you. Give me a pig! He looks you in the eye and treats you as an equal.
In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this.
I like having a puppy that’s a bulldog, ’cause it’s like having a baby that is also a grandma. Her body is young; her face is as old as time. She definitely saw the Nazis march into Paris.
As every cat owner knows, nobody owns a cat.
A horse is dangerous at both ends and uncomfortable in the middle.
I love [cats] … They are so nice and selfish. Dogs are TOO good and unselfish. They make me feel uncomfortable. But cats are gloriously human.
Cats can work out mathematically the exact place to sit that will cause the most inconvenience.
Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
What do dogs do on their day off? They can’t lie around — that’s their job.
I have lived with several Zen masters — all of them cats.
You’ve got to feed [geckos] crickets and worms and stuff. So now, I’m standing in line at the pet store with crickets, and I can feel my ancestors just looking at me like, “Is this progress?”
If a dog jumps into your lap it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing it is because your lap is warmer.
A fish tank is just interactive television for cats.
Anybody who doesn’t know what soap tastes like never washed a dog.
Featured Image Credit: smrm1977/ Shutterstock
Melanie Davis-McAfee
M. Davis-McAfee is a freelance writer, musician, and devoted cat mom of three living in southwest Kentucky.
